How to Argue when the Children are around.

Disagreements with your spouse are inevitable. We cannot always control when a disagreement will rear its ugly head, but there are a few things that we can do to make sure that your children are not affected. Seven is the number of completion so here are seven tips on how to argue when your children are around.

1.       Distract them and/or move them away

Politely and calmly direct your toddlers and young children to move to another room to play.  Advise them that” everything is okay. Mommy and Daddy are just talking something out. We still love each other.” If you cannot get them to another room, then give them something to watch on your phone, or distract them with a toy. Otherwise, it might be best to be silent, until you can get home, so that you do not regret saying something on the drive, which can add to the original offense.

2.       Argue in a healthy and productive manner

Take time to listen, empathize and then explain your side. Arguing is healthy, as it means that you care and love so much, that you get passionate about it when things go array. It is equally important that when you argue, to do so in a very healthy and productive manner.  There is not an outline for a proper argument, but do remember to stay calm, offer a genuine listening ear, empathize (empathy is not an admission of guilt), and then explain your side. Apologize for anything that you could have done better and acknowledge these things. 

3.       Try not to make a huge ruckus.

If someone slams their hand down strongly to make a point, or slams a door, these loud noises are indicators to your children that things are not going well, and that one parent might be in trouble and/or danger. You don’t want them to jump to incorrect or alarming conclusions. Nor do you want them to peep their little heads out and to have watched a good portion of your aggressive bantering back and forth.

4.       Be honest with your children

If one person does leave out, and you are left (Either in a rage, or in a crying fit), it is inevitable that your little one will ask “What is wrong?”. Be sure to be completely platonic, and objective in your response. Do not project anger, and dismiss their feeling by yelling “Nothing! Go back to your room!”. Do not place blame and say “Your daddy is just wrong, its all his fault!” . Instead Say “Mommy and Daddy are not seeing eye to eye right now, but we will get there”. Also, feel free to be honest and say, “I don’t know why mommy/daddy is angry, but it is going to be okay. We will figure it out”. 

5.       Reassure them.

Let them know that Mommy and daddy are working out a solution to the problem.  It might take some time to figure it out, but we are going to do it.

6.       Pray. Pray aloud with your little one.

Our toddlers and young children have incredible faith. This also helps with their emotional development, to learn that when a parent is going through a tough time, that they lean on Christ in that exact moment. Praying aloud a simple prayer can teach your child to do exactly that when they go through a difficult time. As the parent you can pray “Dear God, please help us to find a solution to our disagreement. Bless us to see each other’s point of view and come to have peace between us. Amen.”  You can even suggest that your little one (if they are old enough) pray for you and your spouse. You will be surprised to hear what they have to say!

7.       Resolve the argument quickly. Don’t let tension linger in your home.

The quicker you can resolve the argument, the better you are setting an example of what emotional maturity looks like for your little one. The better you get at learning to listen, empathize, explain, and apologize, the quicker you and your family can move forward with a happily unified life. Don’t let the devil steal time away from you, that you could be creating positive good moments with your family.